If you don't want to hear me complain, then you DON'T want to read this. I have had just about all I can take...and we have 2 more years to go. I don't even know where to start...
My biggest issue I'm dealing with right now is our living situation. All me and Scotty want right now is our own place. We don't care if it's as small as a cardboard box, we just want something of our own. The number one response I get to that is "then, why don't you just move out?" Well, the reason we can't is because we pay 4 digits every month to get this over with as fast as we can. Scotty's minimum payment is already as big as a mortgage payment. Can you imagine trying to pay a mortgage payment ON TOP of another mortgage and bills AND trying to find something to put in savings? Some people can do it...but we can't. Financially, we can't. If we decided to just pay the minimum payment and move out we might not ever get these loans paid off, and I'm not willing to be in that kind of debt the rest of my life. His entire paycheck goes to these loans and mine goes to bills/savings. There is no extra spending money. If you see us at a restaraunt or out shopping it's because we have a gift card of some kind. It's never our own money. And we work more than just our daily jobs to earn an extra buck.
Now, when I say we don't like our living situation it's not because it's not our own...it's what goes on here that we don't like. I feel bad for Scotty because there are days when I feel like all I can do is complain to get things off my chest. I, sadly, am one of those people who fester on problems. I poke at it and poke at it until there's nothing left to poke. Thank goodness I married a patient man. Scotty is used to the way this house is ran because he grew up with it. He doesn't like it as much as me, but he's used to it. I, however, am not used to it and I don't want to get used to it. I try to hold my tongue most of the time but there are moments when I can't. I don't think I'm ever mean about what I say but I am very honest.
What I really need is a change in attitude. Scotty is such an amazing example when it comes to attitude. Things that would eat me from the inside-out would just roll right off Scotty's back. I wish I could do that. It's going to have to be a process. A long, long process. I guess I just need some serious prayers for my attitude and my sanity.
On a happier note, next month we will make our last payment for my loans. It's a relief. And there was serious divine intervention there. Maybe someday I'll tell you about it.
Keep me and Scotty in your prayers. We only have 966 days left to go (Lord willing). I'm sorry for giving you such a mean/depressing post. Everyone is allowed to have a moment.
